Lookin' for a Mo to love...

Tk is the quintessential Fag Hag. She is the Grace to every Jack McFarland & Will Truman out there. The Mo's literally flock to her. She's like a freakin' magnet!

And I'm jealous.

That's right....I said it, Bitches.

I like to tell people (when I'm about 3 vodkas in and the pc filter has effectively vaporized) that unlike other Blue Haired Ladies, when Tracy is old she will not collect porcelain kitties or other stupid knick knacks. She will simply open her closet door and 25 gay men will just come tumblin' out at her feet. She'll bend down and begin giving each one attention, saying: "Here Mo......Moey Mo.....who's a good Mo? That's riiiiiiight, so pretty! Who wants a cocktail?"

Her Mo's come in all shapes and sizes: the tall & physically fit Athletic Gay, whom I've tried on several occasions to steal for myself and have been thwarted by Tracy at every attempt; the Gourmet Gay who grows his own lemon trees and has his own herb garden; and several "Jack of all Trades" Gays- all of whom are handy both inside and outside the home should you need to remodel a bathroom, install lighting, or want a deck built in your backyard.

Tracy has got Mo's to spare, but she simply won't share. Like, if she gives me one, she'll be breaking up a boxed set or something. She is literally gonna force me to post an ad for my own Gay Boyfriend.

Wanted: GBF for Snarky Brunette. Must have sense of humor & long line of credit. Tastes should include vodka, Michael Buble~, and shopping for mens ties. And if you can Tango, I will whore myself out just to make you mine. Interested? Call 503.580.xxxx Lesbians need not apply.

Tk texted me last night and there is hope on my Gay Horizon. She said I was a hit at the Civil War party last week. That the one Mo in particular with whom I had previously received no love from was raving about me (insert me squealing here!): how sweet & funny I am (insert me yelling at my phone: I am so very funny!). Tracy said that with that kind of adulation from Mister Z himself, my status had risen to "Fag Hag."

Finally! My dream has come true. I'd like to thank Tracy's Gays.......I will not let you down. It's been an amazing experience getting to know all of you and I look forward to the next party where we can gather in the kitchen, slam jello shots and bond over emotional eating.

I do have one question though: Do I get a sash that reads "Fag Hag 2009" and does it come with a matching tiara?