Bitches!
Guess who's in Vegas?
KB & me!
How long we been here?
On our second day.
Guess who got a call at 5:15 a.m. from SW Airlines saying her 7:25 a.m. flight was delayed so they just went ahead & booked me on the non- stop, 6:55 a.m. flight and I had 30 minutes to get to the airport?
That'd be me.
Guess who's soooooooo fkn lucky her sister lives 15 min from the airport aaaaaaaaaaand said fkn lucky person just happened to have previously stayed the night?
Guess who's in Vegas?
KB & me!
How long we been here?
On our second day.
Guess who got a call at 5:15 a.m. from SW Airlines saying her 7:25 a.m. flight was delayed so they just went ahead & booked me on the non- stop, 6:55 a.m. flight and I had 30 minutes to get to the airport?
That'd be me.
Guess who's soooooooo fkn lucky her sister lives 15 min from the airport aaaaaaaaaaand said fkn lucky person just happened to have previously stayed the night?
Me.
And me.
Did I make it?
Yes, I did.
How much time did I have from the time I made it to the gate to the time they began boarding?
THREE fkn minutes.
Who gets picked up from the airport by a limo and heads directly to the liquor store?
WE DO!
Who spent four hours poolside slathered in SPF; their lips slicked with gloss while ordering one Dirty South after another?
WE DID.
Who enjoyed fine dining at the Eiffel Tower, Paris overlooking the Bellagio fountains and watched said fountains go off every 20 minutes during their 6 course sampler meal?
KB & I.
Who took the elevator ride up to the top of the Eiffel Tower; 46 stories high and became nauseated and almost threw up in a garbage can?
I so wish I could that it was Kristin......
[Note to Paris hotel management: vent your kitchen's exhaust somewhere other than UP! The smell of cooking meat at 46 stories high is enough to make anyone hurl.]
Which I did not.
But it was a close fkn call, Folks!
We just returned from over three hours at the pool surrounded by Housewives of Random Cities in America.
And me.
Did I make it?
Yes, I did.
How much time did I have from the time I made it to the gate to the time they began boarding?
THREE fkn minutes.
Who gets picked up from the airport by a limo and heads directly to the liquor store?
WE DO!
Who spent four hours poolside slathered in SPF; their lips slicked with gloss while ordering one Dirty South after another?
WE DID.
Who enjoyed fine dining at the Eiffel Tower, Paris overlooking the Bellagio fountains and watched said fountains go off every 20 minutes during their 6 course sampler meal?
KB & I.
Who took the elevator ride up to the top of the Eiffel Tower; 46 stories high and became nauseated and almost threw up in a garbage can?
I so wish I could that it was Kristin......
[Note to Paris hotel management: vent your kitchen's exhaust somewhere other than UP! The smell of cooking meat at 46 stories high is enough to make anyone hurl.]
Which I did not.
But it was a close fkn call, Folks!
We just returned from over three hours at the pool surrounded by Housewives of Random Cities in America.
Kill me.
I pulled the plug when TIFFANY reminded me her name was not Diana. Instead of telling her "It's a fkn miracle I made the effort to even call you by A name, let alone your name.....", I hailed over our lame-ass cocktail waitress and yelled: CHECK PLEASE! Said lame-ass waitress then took 10 minutes to "bring our check" and when she showed up, proceeded to stand over our lounge chairs and say: "Ha ha! I knew I was forgetting something!"
I pulled the plug when TIFFANY reminded me her name was not Diana. Instead of telling her "It's a fkn miracle I made the effort to even call you by A name, let alone your name.....", I hailed over our lame-ass cocktail waitress and yelled: CHECK PLEASE! Said lame-ass waitress then took 10 minutes to "bring our check" and when she showed up, proceeded to stand over our lounge chairs and say: "Ha ha! I knew I was forgetting something!"
To which I said to KB: That's cause to forget her tip.....you got me?
And just because I am me, on the way out I motioned over the waitress I'd watched bust a move all day for her customers and said: Hi Jenifer......you work tomorrow? Yes, she said. SUPER!, I said. You come find the two of us and if we are not in your section, we'll move. Cuz you busted your ass today and we like that....and this one here (pointing at KB), she's a hell of a tipper when I sign off on it!
And that's how you do it in Vegas when your BFF refuses to let you pay for anything and you're a smart mouthed bitch like me!
And just because I am me, on the way out I motioned over the waitress I'd watched bust a move all day for her customers and said: Hi Jenifer......you work tomorrow? Yes, she said. SUPER!, I said. You come find the two of us and if we are not in your section, we'll move. Cuz you busted your ass today and we like that....and this one here (pointing at KB), she's a hell of a tipper when I sign off on it!
And that's how you do it in Vegas when your BFF refuses to let you pay for anything and you're a smart mouthed bitch like me!
[Postscript: I drafted this post on Friday, May 13 and it's taken this long to actually post it. It was a comedy of errors, what with Blogger being down for 20.5 hours and me using my new iPad.....and it being so much smarter than I am! I will have the second half of the Vegas experience posted soon!]
