Have a Drink on Me.

You know that song about having a bad day? Daniel something sang it a few years back.....

Ellen DeGeneres loved it.

American Idol would play it every time a contestant got voted off and we'd have to watch a video montage of said Loser as the end credits would roll......something about "sing a sad song just to turn it around......"

Really? Sing a sad song to turn it around? Wouldn't that just make you more sad?

Take for instance the song "Mandy". A Barry Manilow classic. Mandy came and she gave without taking.....and he sent her away....Oh, Mandy. The poor bastard is sad because he falls into the category of yet another man tossing a good woman aside....and now he's gonna cry about it. After the fact. Dumb Ass.

But I digress.

I'm pretty sure if you were the Dumb Ass, and you were sad....."Mandy" is not the song you'd be singing....... to, you know.... turn it around! I'm pretty sure you'd be singing "Low" (aka: Apple Bottom Jeans) by Flo Rida. Or, "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Motley Crue.

So what's my point? I've got two.

1. While I didn't have a bad day, I certainly had a rough day. And at no point in my day did I ever feel compelled to burst into song, let alone a sad song. Which brings me to,

2. Daniel Whatshisname can pound sand!

I'll spare you the details of my rough day. Just take me at my word when I say it was long and demanding; required much babysitting on my part of grown adults and frankly, for all the times I walked back and forth and back and forth, my ass should be a lot thinner! As I was leaving work one of my friends called to check on me and the inevitable "How was your day" query was posed. I said something to the effect of "it was rough" and that I "seriously needed a cocktail!" Which prompted said friend to say: So have one.

Um, D-U-H!

But then I started lamenting my whole begging of the Lord to lose 15 pounds....and I had gone 4 days without a cocktail.......and while I certainly don't need a 12 Step Program (yet!) , I could probably channel my nightly routine away from the vodka and towards a SmartWater instead (Say, how cute is the little fish that looks like it's floating on the inside of the water bottle? Way cute would be the answer!).

Naturally, I did all my lamenting aloud which prompted my friend to ask: So....do you want a drink?

Yes., I replied.

Will it be worth it?

Oh. Snap! I just got the Jenny Craig equivalent of Checking Yourself; only instead of food, it's booze. As a former Jenny Girl myself, this bit of reverse psychology is akin to the gauntlet being thrown. And one of my Gemini flaws is always being up for a challenge (even if I know I can't win.....because, Hello? Gemini 101- we love to argue!), so I consider the question posed and begin to weigh my day: the pros and cons against the challenge. It is just one more day. And one of Jenny's mantras (she's got a million of them, by the way!) just happens to be Take It One Day at a Time........and I do hate to lose. And I am so very competitive........but, really. It just boils down to my friend being right.

Fk. I hate it when that happens!

A few seconds tick by as I process all this and I finally answer (much like Jon Heder's character Napoleon Dynamite): Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-wah!

Yeah, Me! Going for Day 5. "Checking Myself". Score one for Jenny!

We end our call and I shut down my computer. I still have another office to shut down, so I grab my keys, decide to come back to my office for my personal effects and walk out the door feeling Oh- So -Smug for making the better choice.

And the minute I hear my door shut behind me, I realize I have grabbed my car keys, not my office keys, and I am now locked out. And not just locked out of my office, but the entire goddamn building! It took me 10 minutes and an entire flight of stairs (3 stories!) to find a janitor who could let me into my office. By the time I exited the building and got to my car, my resolve was strong.

I whipped out my cell and texted my friend: I am soooooooooooooooooooo having a cocktail!