Be Aware.....be very aware!

The following post is brought to you in part by Lo Lo.

And our unwavering belief in the notion that if we could figure out a way to market ourselves, we'd be America's next reality tv sensations!

[The scene:I am sitting in the courtroom today, overwhelmed by work and by the shame of just inhaling a 32oz soda like it was an 8oz glass of water. I'd just come from Lo Lo's office, which is directly outside the courtroom I'm working from. She had just shared with me that Weight Watcher's had not gone well and instead of staying for the meeting, she'd retreated to her office where she hoovered her diet soda, her appropriately portioned lunch and followed it all up with several mini sized candies and some crackers she found in her desk drawer! As I opened my wee size package of M&M's, I clicked open our chat network (we have our own in-house IM program) and fired off the following to Leah:]

Just so you don't feel left out, I am currently picking off my M&M's that I swiped from Tk's candy dish in record time and I've just inhaled 32 ounces of diet soda. I'm considering walking my fat ass back to the diner and buying another.......Shame!

Leah: Did you know this week is National School Breakfast week AND National Sleep Awareness week? Tomorrow I think I'll go and have breakfast with my daughter at school and then go home and take a nap.

Sister, please...... PLEASE...when you send in your Leave Request, put those reasons in the comment line and then blind copy me!

Leah: OH!!! and April is Alcohol Awareness month!!! oh dude.......have you seen the previews (speaking of drinking) for the dude who goes around to bars getting trashed on speciality drinks? We could have done that- people would watch our drunk asses- cuz we funny!

Side note: I totally refrain from pointing out the obvious, which it appears Lo Lo has forgotten, which is: We've done this. And people watched. And I have a vague recollection of them laughing..... at us!

As I'm pondering this, another chat from Leah comes in:
So in April we should have a different drink everyday so we are aware of all the choices!

I love it! We should begin compiling our list now. You realize, of course, that we are completely misinterpreting the purpose of this "awareness", right? I feel confident that the founders of this public service awareness did not intend for us to become aware of alcohol in the manner we both know we are going to pursue!

Leah: Also, May is National Mental Health Awareness month AND Physical Fitness month.....

Wanna bet we become so aware of alcohol in April, we gonna need to check in with Mental Health Services? And perhaps join a gym as well?!

Leah: hey..... April is also National Donate a Life month...........what exactly should I do with this one?

First I think we should get a clarification: is it our life we gotta donate or can we donate the lives of others? Cuz I got a list.........

Leah: OMG! I found it....I found the show for us!!

Better than my idea of combining the Biggest Loser with Rehab? What's better than you & I going off to a combination fat farm and detox center? America would eat our shenanigans & shameful debauchery UP!

Leah: Ooooooooooooh! That was a good idea....but you know we'd get kicked off first.

And together. We'd show up hung over, all sorts of tripping off the bus and they'd be all: Hey! You two...... don't bother unpacking! DOH!

Leah: This show is called "Three Sheets with Zane Lamphry"....

As in "three sheets to the wind"? I'm in!

Leah: He "travels the world to engage in foreign drinking customs and befriend the people who partake them". He gets PAID to travel and drink! We could totally do that......we are so good at drinking! I bet people would watch us.....we are pretty funny......

We are fkn hilarious, Leah........
............And I'm pretty sure the general public laughing at us, proves it!