The Wisdom Of An Almost 4 Year Old

So my sister sent me a text Monday and I've been crackin' up over it all week. It came through as I was leaving my office for the day. Struggling into my coat while trying to hold on to my umbrella and balance my Dooney on my left arm and my lunch sack in my right hand.

Hell no, I'm not putting any of it down! Do you know how long it takes to grab that shit up?

I'm heading out the door, and cursing the day I've had, when I hear my cell. Normally I would ignore it, but for whatever reason, I shifted the umbrella to my left hand, swung my Dooney off my shoulder and to the crook of my arm and reached into the front pocket for my cell.

1 New Message: Gina

IT'S FROM MY SISTER!! WHOOP! WHOOP!

Gina always brings a smile to my face and instantly makes me hate people less. It's her Free Spirit, Mother Earth vibe. I make fun of it and yet it's soothing.

Like tea!

Mondays, for me, are hell. I am in court all day; I rarely get a break and I'm always surrounded by idiots. When I took this job 8 months ago, I had high hopes of whipping this docket into shape. It was out of control & there was no sign of anyone being in charge. Enter The Snarky Brunette. In her 4 inch heels and super big hair. Able to bark orders at attorneys in a single breath! With stealth like precision she has the ability to organize wayward attorneys (much like herding cats!) into single file rows. She has the technology. She can re-build this docket.
(If you are hearing the theme from the Bionic Woman....that is sooooooo totally what I was aiming for!)

Did she re-build the docket?

Ummmmm, not so much.

The defense attorneys now know to check in with me if they want to get out of court in a timely manner. I did manage to convince them that I do hold the key to their freedom. We are still working on the whole When I say we do not have time for sentencings, WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR SENTENCINGS! issue. And my Judge still drives me insane with his asking of my opinion; promptly setting aside my opinion; and proceeding to critique my opinion. He's also fond of arguing my own words back to me and telling me he's pretty sure we are in agreement.

WHAT?

For the most part, I have an abundance of ideas on how to streamline and improve this court and no one wants to listen to me. Or, they listen and then promptly do the opposite. And then when the outcome is as shitty as I SAID IT WOULD BE, they want to know why I didn't say anything beforehand.

BANG HEAD HERE!

So. I hate Mondays. I'm always incredibly wound up by the end of the day; incredibly frustrated; and the sheer number of stupid people I have to deal with never ceases to amaze me. Tk pulled me aside two weeks ago and gave me a seriously stern talking to.....all about my job is not worth my health and I've got to stop taking every set back as my own personal failure and everyone knows I'm the best thing that happened to this docket so stop trying to hold it all together for everyone and let them all fall on their faces.

Snarky: Wait.....you mean give up control?

Tk: Yes.

Snarky: But I love control!

Tk: I know you do, Babe..... and that's your problem.

Snarky: But I'm not sure I know how to give up control.....?

Tk: Let's role play. I'm the Judge and I say we're going to set 4 files for sentencing in a 15 minute slot, right before a jury trial at 9a. Now what do you say?

Snarky: I say: Hell no, you're not setting 4 files for sentencing before a jury trial! You can't even do a 1 file sentencing in 15 minutes!!

(Insert Tk crossing her arms and looking down at me whilst shaking her head no.....)

Snarky: What? What do I say?!

Tk: You say: If that's what you'd like to do, Your Honor. And then set the goddamn files for sentencing!

OY! Now I hate Mondays even more than usual! Do you know how hard it is to just sit there and let the village idiots run amok?

So hard.

Every Monday Tk meets me in the hall before Court and gives me her little pep talk reminder. It's actually kinda funny now.....

Tk: Ok, Sister...... who are you?

Snarky: I'm a professional!

Tk: And what are you gonna do?

Snarky: I'm going to sit in my chair and smile and agree with everyone!

Tk: Good girl! What do we say?

Snarky: Yes, Sir!

Tk: And?

Snarky: Super!

Tk: And?

Snarky: Whatever you'd like to do!

And then we high five and dissolve into a fit of giggles.

KB even sends me little reminder emails on Mondays now. Perky little emails like: Chin up, Sweet Pea....don't forget to smile! You are the master of the doe eyed, tilt your head, Mmmmm Hmmmmm look!

I always start off strong but by the end of the day, I'm worn thin. I think I managed to only correct someone once this week. And I'm pretty sure I didn't blurt out "Noooooooooooooo" at all. Sigh................. I hate Mondays. Now matter how hard I try, I always walk away feeling like I've stepped in a big pile of crap.

But then I got Gina's text. With a smile on my face, I slide my cell open to read it.

"Me: why did u run thru the backyard after i asked you not to?
Jack: cuz i wanted 2 surprise u with dog poop on my shoe!"

I burst out laughing..... laughing so hard, no sound was coming out of my mouth! I had to sit down on the bench outside my office door because I was afraid I'd fall over from laughing so hard! That and my Dooney shifted and totally knocked me off balance!

I was on the bench for at least a minute.....my laughter slowly dissolving away. I had to wipe tears from my eyes; I had laughed that hard. When I'd finally composed myself, I replied:
Jack is the perfect ending to my shitty day! :)