My Life As Seen Through Barf

Here's what I know:

It's been so long since my last post, my blog is covered in cobwebs.

All of you whiners who keep pestering me about this, to you I say: Hello? How sweet is my timing since Halloween is just around the corner and cobwebs are the perfect decoration?!

My house is a disaster. Seriously. If the Department of Human Services were to make an unannounced "knock & talk", my shit would be weak. They'd wanna place my kids in foster care and cite me for child neglect.

To which I'd be all: Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft! People please. I just spent the better part of four FKNG days scouring the bedrooms of my children. Sure, my house as a whole looks like a twister blew up in it; all sorts of hap-hazard and shit, but you could eat off their bedroom floors and see your reflection in their windows!

Perhaps this week I'll get to the rest of my house......?

So I was home the later part of the week, caring for sick Monsters. I'm not sure which is worse: two Monsters sick at the same time or one falling first with the other falling immediately after?!
I can tell you that their Barf Fest is what kicked my Psychotic Cleaning Frenzy into overdrive....because if you're going to wash all the fkn bedding in the room, why not just wipe down walls and wash baseboards and windows too? And if you do it for one Monster, hell yes you're gonna do it for the other. Exactly 24 hours later.

OY.

I'm hoping my PCF carries into this week and into every room of my house. Because Sweet Jesus, every room in this house needs a deep clean. And please, don't tsk! tsk! at me, People.....hiring a cleaning agency is not within my confines as a Type A, Slightly OCD brunette. I'd spend just as much time cleaning before the cleaning people came as I would if I'd just do the shit myself......so, Hello?

Rubber gloves and hot, soapy bleach water are now my new BFF's!

But if I sound like I'm bitching (shut up, Lynda!), let me be clear: so am not bitching. As I just told Mark a few minutes ago: the last 4 days have been extremely stressful what with caring for sick Monsters and firing orders about, "Samuel, please.............. one does not need a broken pencil sharpener just because it has Optimus Prime on it. THROW IT AWAY!"; and just generally letting myself go in order to accomplish the task at hand (my hair hasn't seen shampoo in three days....... shameful. I feel dirty!). But I've loved every minute of it. Being at home reminded me what I used to have before I went back to work full time: TIME. Time spent reading with my kids in my bed; time spent playing cards and getting my ass KICKED by my son in a game of Checkers. Time for all of us to take a nap together. I took all of that for granted when I was home; and now that I'm not home, I miss it the most.

Even the board game ass kicking!

So, my house is a disaster. I'm tired as hell. And I've got mountains of laundry left to do. But this long weekend has been a slice of heaven. Quality time with my kids (barf and all!) during the day, and leisurely evenings with Marky at night.

Who, by the way, has taken up the guitar. I believe it's every woman's dream to be serenaded at night with a little pong, pang! pong, pang! pong, pang!

Don't hate me cuz I've got it so damn good......!