It's Been A Looooooong Day.

My drunk is wearing off.......


I totally blame KB.

To tell the truth, she's to blame for my drunk in the first place.


She texted me earlier today informing me that she was at a water park with her kids; she hated people and newsflash to Big Daddy- she would so be drinking tonight!


My response: We shud have IM cocktail hour!


Our date was set for 6:30 p.m. BoHo time.


Because my sister has now taken it upon herself to find my wee dog for me, I was already on line at 6:15 p.m. (BoHo time) looking at a Papillon Gina had sent me from a Craig's List post. KB had sent me an email at 5:03 p.m. asking me if I was ready.


My response: What part of 6:30 your time do you not understand....Drunk?


And we were off! She with a bottle of wine; me with a stiff Salty Dog.


First up: Kristin taking me to task for my non-obsession with blogging.

It's hard, I whined. And I was about to launch a full scale assault on just how hard it was for me to be witty & clever and have something meaningful to say 24/7, when it became apparent that Kristin had already moved on.


KB: this will piss you off- Big Daddy has lost 8 lbs in 2 wks!


Snarky Brunette: Are you fkn kidding me? Men......... Marky can lose 10 lbs in a week if he cuts sugar and booze from his diet. Who the fk wants to do that?


Which brought us into a discussion of our current & respective weights. Apparently, as long as KB's bra still fits-her number doesn't worry her. My number, on the other hand, is beyond tragic. I've finally reached the number I said I'd never go back to. I have not been this heavy in 6 years.


And I have only myself to blame.
(Myself and vodka.......)


I am: Jabba the Hutt.
(Two "T's". It's shameful that I know that.....)


And since I'm flying to BoHo next week to see KB, I informed her that she is forbidden from gasping in horror when she meets me at the plane....."I'm fragile", I said.


I'm flying to BoHo because it's Kristin's 6th annual Martini Madness party. She hosts an all-girl cocktail party that features signature Martinis that she (and sometimes WE!) discover through out the year. This year's theme: Saddle Up! for Martini Madness.


Cowboys.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Haw!


We segued from my weight (which she totally glossed over) to Martini Madness and what we were wearing. Kristin is going Daisy Duke style (a look she perfected last year in Vegas. We spent many, many hours on-line and texting to pull off her look for the UNLV v. Boise State football game): short, shorts with her black cowboy boots & her newly acquired, "girl huggin" (read: shows boobies off nicely!), Western lookin, smock.


My response: In my head, I'm going for Rodeo Bunny or Country Bar Chic- Black Stetson over my big, massive wave of curls; wide legged jeans with the biggest belt & buckle I can find; beat up cowboy boots & a black Wife Beater, layered over a white one. I hope I'm not too fat to pull this off.......

Again, she totally glosses this over and launches into a recap of her awful water park adventures today and her son's new BFF which has potentially created a new friend for her: BFF's mom. And she'll be at Martini Madness and I'll get to meet her and blah blah blah and I interrupt her IM to yell:

"HEY! DID YOU MISS THE PART ABOUT ME BEING FRAGILE AND I AM, QUITE POSSIBLY, TURNING INTO ONE OF THOSE 'SUCH A PRETTY FACE GIRLS'???"


Kristin's response: I caught the fragile, Babe. And I still love ya.


And that, right there, is why I love KB. She allows me to drown in my pity parties for only so long. My fingers poised over my lap tap, I briefly considered telling her how fabulous she is and how much I love her....... but I opted to go with:


Yeah! A new friend for you....... don't fk it up with you second guessing yourself!


Is there anything more warm and fuzzy than two Girlfriends who love one another?


We were on-line for almost 90 minutes. KB consumed a bottle and a half of wine; I was pouring my 4th Salty Dog when we ended. We covered topics that ranged from wee dogs (who names a male Pomeranian "Honey"?) to Men (they are idiots) to Children (ingrates) to Facebook.


FACEBOOK?


Kristin wanted to know my thoughts on this topic, given that her children are just minutes away from asking "can we"? Should she get some exposure under her belt before her kids become a part of it?


My response went something like this:


FaceBook is the DEVIL! No no no no!!!! I cannot express to you how much I looooooooooathe FB! Ok, it's the concept of FB I loathe. "Join and reconnect!" Pfffffffffft! Who the fk wants to reconnect with high school people you hated 20 years ago? It's ridiculous...... I will make fun of you if you join. Lynda & Gina regularly tag team me under the guise of "you could reach a wider audience for your blog if you had a Facebook page." No. Fkn. Way. I do not want idiots "friending" me.......it would do nothing but force me to deny them my friendship and I'd look like an even bigger bitch than I already am!


KB: So I just get my kids' passwords & ID's.......glad we're on the same page.


Do you people see why Kristin & I are friends?

I had just given KB a "5 minute warning" in the middle of reminiscing about our Vegas trip when Gmail went down and our Drunk IM-ing Experience came crashing to a halt. My drunk ass finally figured this out when the big , red "KRISTIN DID NOT RECEIVE YOUR CHAT" message appeared on my lap top screen.

I picked up my tiny phone and fired off a text: Gmail is telling me we're down...you?

KB: Was waiting on you...... go help with dinner. I can make it until I see you next week. THANK YOU.

Snarky Brunette: Fk that....we gotta set up a Drunk IM-ing schedule. 2x a week. I LOVE YOU!

KB: Luv U 2.

I wandered into my kitchen to begin helping with dinner prep, a gigantic smile on my face. I'd spent 90 minutes talking with one of the most important people in my life. We stay connected through daily emails and texts. And the occasional Drunk IM-ing Experience. Our lives are busy, and they are hundreds of miles apart. With kids, and jobs, and pets, and husbands- our days are long. And yet, not a day goes by when one of us doesn't make the time to reach out for the other.

Who needs Facebook when you are blessed with real friendships?