(Orange and) Black & Blue

Today was PAINFUL.

And I'm not just talking about my back!

My family left me at 7:30 a.m. to head to Beaver Nation, leaving me standing in the big window of my living room, crying as I waved goodbye. I was born and raised in Beaver Nation. I bleed orange and black. And to miss this game with my family was hard.

Oh who am I kidding? I hate going to football games! I spent my entire high school career warming up under the bleachers during the first half of games;performing at half time on the field and cheering for our team the second half. I've spent enough time at Parker Stadium (No. I will not call it Reeser Stadium. I have been known to call it "Potato Salad Bowl"; but I refuse to call it Reeser!); this chubby girl doesn't need to watch a live game. I much prefer to head to Beaver Nation with the fam; enjoy breakfast at my Mom's house and then drop off Mark & the kids at the field.

Where do I go?

I GO TO TK'S!

She hosts an annual Civil War Party that kicks ass! Tv's in every room, including the garage (because everyone needs to be able to watch the game while getting beer from the keg!); a table that is covered in food of every size, shape and color; and jello shots.

J-E-L-L-O SHOTS!

But I had to miss it all courtesy of my sacrum situation.

So there I was, in the throws of a really big pity party; wearing my I HATE YOUR DUCKS tee shirt; clapping and yelling at the tv all by myself today. I jarred my back yelling SUCK IT! and doing a fist pump after Quizz scored the first touchdown; I'd lost my voice by half time; and by the third quarter, after I screamed at Katz (OSU's quarterback): YOU ARE FIRED!, I texted Kristin and said: That's it. I'm done. Fkn Ducks and their stupid, fkn fairy feathers!!!!! KB's response: It's painful.

No shit. And I'd had enough.

(And, No. I will not say "OS". The OSU beavers play at Parker Stadium!)

So I came upstairs and decided I was going to tackle the Christmas tree......that has fallen over twice! It might be a perfect tree, but it refuses to stay perfectly erect! Marky put the lights on last night for me....a job I usually do myself......you know, on account of me being a control freak! But I couldn't reach above my head, so he did it. I thought for a fleeting moment about fixing all the spots that are driving me completely bat shit crazy!, but ultimately thought better of it. I have to learn to let people help me. Baby steps.

Baby steps straight to the liquor cabinet where I poured myself a stiff cocktail and downed it immediately! Now that I'm circling the tree and drinking my second cocktail, the fact that the lights aren't perfect is bothering me less. I can do this.

Music. That's what the Snarky Brunette needs! Get me in the mood. I chose a Christmas mix my sister gave me last year. I got through 1/4 of Sheryl Crow's rendition of There is a Star that Shines Tonight and said to Benelli: Hello? You failed to remind me I can't stand Sheryl! Benelli lifted her head from her doggie bed, rolled away from me and farted.

Exactly.

Flipping through my box of Christmas cds, I found it. The perfect cd for my perfect tree: Andrea~ Boccelli's My Christmas. Classic Christmas songs sung by an angel himself!

I've gone through the cd once and just re-started it. I did have to skip his duet with Reba McIntyre as the sound of her voice makes me throw up in my mouth. And while it is a tough call, I've decided that "Santa Claus is coming to Town" is my favorite song on the cd. It's bouncy and he's accompanied by a children's choir and this song alone brings a big, fat smile to my face!

My back still hurts; my Beav's still lost & I'm still wearing my I HATE YOUR DUCKS shirt; but my mood has improved remarkably! So much so that I'm off to pour my third cocktail, slather my lips in Zumba Kiss and pummel this Christmas business like the Beavs should have pummeled the Ducks.

And their fkn fairy feathers!